Each year, surveys of sexuality show that more and more people identify as bisexual or bi-curious. As of 2018, 3% of the world’s population identified themselves as such, and that only includes the percentage of people who openly admit their sexuality. True numbers are likely higher. Interestingly enough, this survey, conducted by D’Lane Compton and Tristan Bridges, clearly shows that the largest rise in numbers comes from the increasing number of bisexual and bi-curious women.
As a general rule, women have always been more fluid and open about their sexuality than men. Even women who identify as straight on many surveys aren’t strictly heterosexual. It’s far more likely that they identify as “mostly straight,” “questioning” or “bi-curious,” but those options are usually never included on most sexual orientation surveys.
What Does that Mean for You?
If you’re a bi-curious woman or a woman questioning her sexuality, what this means is that you aren’t alone. Bi-curious females are very common in today’s society, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re uncomfortable with the term “bi-curious woman,” don’t label yourself, but don’t try to run from or hide your desires either. Sexuality is meant to be explored. If you’re considering exploring yours, we can help you figure out how.
10 Tips for Bi-Curious Women Wanting to Explore Their Sexuality
Tip 1: Do Your Research
There’ve been a lot of bad things to come out of the 21st century; however, there’s been a lot of good as well. One of the best things about this century is how easy it is to privately obtain information. Although all people are unique, our feelings and experiences aren’t. If you’re a bi-curious woman and are unsure how to feel about that, there are definitely other people out there who’ve been where you are.
Using numerous YouTube videos, blog posts, books, and discussion boards, you’ll see that you aren’t alone. Doing some research into these types of things can help you come to terms with your feelings and can help you determine the next steps. If you’re feeling bad about yourself and your desires, researching the topic and finding out just how common it is can help you feel better about yourself and realize there’s nothing wrong or abnormal about it.
Tip 2: Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People/Join a Support Group
The next step is to surround yourself with other people like you. One of the hardest things about realizing you’re a bisexual or bi-curious female is how alienating it can be at first. Self-acceptance comes much easier when you’re surrounded by others who’re also members of the LGBTQ community.
Find online or in-person support groups for bi-curious or questioning people. There are tons out there; some are open to anyone, and others are specifically for bi-curious women. Find the group with which you’re most comfortable and become a part of it. The Tribe is a great option.
Tip 3: Talk to Someone You Can Trust
Another important part of coming to terms with your newfound sexuality is talking about it with someone safe that you can trust. This can be a friend, family member, or someone else. Human beings aren’t meant to be alone. We’re social creatures who need company, affection, and intimacy – both physical and emotional – from others. If you truly have no one you feel safe enough talking to about your sexuality, make time with a therapist. Talking through your feelings is hugely important to exploring and understanding your sexuality.
Tip 4: Check Out Lesbian Pornography
Once you’ve done all your research, talked it out and worked through some of your feelings, it’s time to take the next step and actually start exploring this new and exciting side of your sexuality. Start slowly by watching lesbian and bisexual porn. Many women admit to having “crushes” on their favorite celebrities. After all, it’s hard not to be a little in love with Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Lawrence. However, when it comes right down to it, many women would never act on a same-sex relationship even if the opportunity arose.
Watching lesbian porn has the dual purpose of seeing whether or not you’re truly turned on by other women in a sexual capacity and finding out a little more about how female-on-female sex works. This can be important if you’ve never actually experimented. Just remember that pornography, whether heterosexual or homosexual in nature, does tend to sensationalize things, so just because two women are doing something in a porn doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be doing that in your same-sex encounters.
Tip 5: Download Lesbian and Bisexual Dating Apps
If you decide you want to act on your same-sex desires but don’t know exactly where to start, try downloading a few lesbian/bisexual apps. This is a convenient way to ease into same-sex dating because you aren’t immediately having to put yourself out there in a physical sense. You can create an account and then pick and choose the women with whom you want to interact. Some good apps to get you started are Her, Zoe, and BiCupid.
Tip 6: Visit LGBTQ Clubs/Bars
It may seem old-school, but it’s pretty much a no-brainer. The best way to physically meet lesbians or other bisexual or bi-curious women is to go to LGBTQ clubs or bars. If you want to catch fish, you have to go to the river, and LGBTQ-specific clubs and bars are the rivers of queer dating.
Tip 7: Consider Having an MFF Threesome
For bi-curious married women looking to explore their sexuality without cheating on their husbands, threesomes are good options. Talk to your husband about having a threesome with another woman. Most men won’t put up much of a fight. Although, if you truly love your husband, you should tell him the reasons you want the threesome.
MFF threesomes can also be great ways for single, bi-curious women to explore their sexuality as well. This option certainly isn’t limited strictly to people in relationships.
Tip 8: Immerse Yourself in the LGBTQ Culture
Once you become truly comfortable with yourself and your sexuality, start getting involved in the LGBTQ community and culture. Go to pride parades and festivals; join local LGBTQ sports leagues or theater clubs. No matter where you live, there’s always some type of LGBTQ community somewhere nearby. Find it, and get involved.
Tip 9: Communication is Key
While you’re exploring, meeting and dating all these new people, it’s important to keep communicating – with yourself, your friends, the people you’re seeing, etc. Honest, open communication is healthy, and it’s the only way you’re going to make your relationships work.
Tip 10: Never Forget Sexuality Is a Journey
Scientists have been studying human sexuality for years, and there still isn’t a lot they can say with certainty. One thing they do know for a fact, though, is that human sexuality is fluid and can change throughout a person’s lifetime. If you’re an adult or even in your 50’s or 60’s and are just now realizing you’re bi-curious, you already know this is true.
Keep that in mind while you’re on this journey. You may start experimenting with same-sex relationships and find you prefer them to heterosexual relationships, or you may decide they aren’t for you. Whichever the case, you may find that ten years later, you’ve changed your mind on the subject again.
That’s okay. Just keep communicating with your partners; keep being open and honest with yourself and with them, and be safe. If you do all those things, then you’ll have nothing to regret for having indulged yourself in your fantasies, even if you ultimately decide not to continue same-sex encounters.
10 Things a Bi-Curious Woman Should Know before Dating a Lesbian
If you’re considering dating a lesbian, here are ten things you should know before taking that step.
- Don’t lie about your sexual orientation; she won’t appreciate it. Let her know upfront that you’re questioning or bi-curious.
- Women can break your heart just as easily as men.
- Sex with women is different, and it may take you several tries to become good at it.
- Sex with women is much more intense than you realize. Women know what women want because they’re women! They’re generally better able to please you than men.
- Not all lesbians are comfortable playing a “masculine” role. You’re dating a woman. Don’t automatically assume she’ll “be the guy” in your relationship.
- Don’t cheat on her. Even if you tell her upfront that you still like men, she’s going to expect you to be faithful to her while you’re with her.
- Just because she’s a woman doesn’t automatically mean she’ll “get you.”
- Lesbians aren’t attracted to all women. Don’t just assume a lesbian will date you if you express interest in her. Each lesbian has her specific taste in women, just like each man does.
- Don’t ever start a relationship with a lesbian because you’ve “given up on men!” It’s insulting and won’t end well.
- Be yourself. If she’s dating you, she wants to date you, not a fake version of you that you think she’d like.
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